They like drink-sampling, superstar rumors (Jon & Kate count because superstars on them), chocolate, Oprah, Fortunate mag, and you will dating talks

Shortly after more than 24 months regarding dipping in and out from OKCupid, it’s slowly dawned on me that all (not absolutely all, your nitpickers) female, 29-38, with profiles thereon webpages fall into four large classes (zero prevent the):

Zero, new “Manly-Guy,” with respect to the advertising wizards, try an unshaven, overgrown fratboy very likely to bellowing incoherently and you will high-fiving their Token Black colored Friend more just how sleek his vehicle is actually or how well the guy thinks their pisswater white alcohol tastes

#step 1. The fresh new Whirlwind “Simply take your passport, why don’t we traveling!! Where? Any-fucking-where! It doesn’t matter, as the I’m form of an empty layer, and you can ongoing action surpasses sitting however and you can enjoying the booming gap that is my identity!” Skiing on winter months, wakeboarding in the summertime, the Whirlwind does not have any perseverance for softer, sedentary reflection, it is wade-go-wade. She’s going to cost you towards an earlier grave if you attempt to keep track their, that’s good ’cause your untimely dying offers her more time for stone-hiking and you can travel to help you Ireland.

#2. The new Girly-Girl She fits every stereotypes. These represent the girls your “oppressed guys” inside the alcohol commercials will always be trying to getting away from, and with valid reason. Particularly noteable because of their surely terrible liking in most types of preferred culture, their Dvd cupboards is actually groaning with titles instance Dirty Dance and you may The laptop, as well as their mp3 playlists try chock-full away from Jack Johnson, Keith Urban, and you can Colbie Caillat. They are wise, however they never ever screen an enthusiastic iota of mental curiosity. (Warning: She will eventually turn out to be Brand new Castrating Shrew, but that’s an alternative group of classes.)

Thus no suits in my situation

[Side Note: I thought the new “Girly-Girl” was a good Madison Opportunity cliche, a creature current only due to the fact an antagonist regarding the above-said ads, but they truly are obviously online. I guess their opposite amount ‘s the “Peoplely-People,” however it is no longer brand new rugged, square-jawed Marlboro Man variety of. ]

#step three. Brand new Pretentious Grad Beginner She possess graduated long ago, but never remaining the fresh mindset at the rear of. Really, extremely practical – much more thus than your, yes, your scruffy fuck – but has never laughed aloud inside the an excellent dog’s years. (An exceptionally pithy Jon Stewart quip or trenchant The fresh Yorker cartoon can get draw an effective wry smirk.) Studying checklist consists of significant amounts on socio-political factors, or Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels. She listens so you can jazz, otherwise Brazilian individuals, or any comes up to the NPR’s Outdoors you to time (who’s got returning to musical when there was causes?) She loves Thai eating, or is vegetarian, or Jesus help us, veggie. She often provides some this new Whirlwind in her, enjoying an intermittent refrain toward “real” society away from Europe, otherwise some oppressed Latin american banana republic. Their particular Twitter profile photo for another 1 . 5 years could be her before certain Mayan spoils in oversized shoes and you may good hemp rucksack. In short, she’s completely insufferable.

#4. The brand new “I’m-Just-A-Country-Girl” Entire lotta these lurking up to. She is the owner of Tim McGraw and you may/or latest Religious Dvds (has not yet purchased a mp3 player yet ,). Have hiking. Probably voted having Plant, twice, if it took place so you’re able to their particular to help you choose at all. Stupid because the a drilling fencepost.

I seem to slide involving the breaks (once more, zero the) of those groups. The 21-28 season olds keeps their selection of groups, which are embryonic systems of the many over (the actual only real difference is the 29-38 seasons olds provides decent services), by adding Team Girl, Faux-Hippie Girl, and you will Commonly-I-Nerdy/Wacky?-Girl.